Lately, there have been a couple articles that have helped crystallize my thoughts about working and parenting. There was
this piece, written by a young mother about how she is now defined by society as 'just a mother' and how that isn't ok with her.
Molly Smith said:
"I posted this status to my Facebook page:
"Generally, I'm OK with my life. But then sometimes I
just feel so mediocre - I want to do something great. Something big. Something
bold. Am I wasting my existence? What to do, what to do...
#Deepthoughtfortheday."
I was surprised by the comments:
"Being a mom is the greatest thing you can do!"
"You will always be a mom!"
"Be the best mom you can be, the rest will fall into
place."
When I typed out that status, motherhood and my son were not
even on my mind. I was thinking of myself -- my accomplishments, my goals, my
dreams. ... I felt angry, because for the first time in my life, I felt
my identity was being reduced to only one aspect of who I am: a mom."
And my first thought was - what if a man wrote that on his page: "Generally, I'm OK with my life. But then sometimes I just feel so mediocre - I want to do something great. Something big. Something bold. Am I wasting my existence? What to do, what to do... "
Would the responses be:
"Being a dad is the greatest thing you can do!"
"You will always be a dad!"
"Be the best dad you can be, the rest will fall into place."
Or would they ask about the rest of his life? And in a modern society that has equal rights for men and women, why shouldn't a mother be able to have more in her life than children without being called to task by others? And how about providing a positive role model to your own children that you can be anything you want to be? Why does society feel this desire to put motherhood above all other achievements? After all, it's not like you need to be qualified to be a mother, just female and fertile. Sure, it's often tiring work, but really, anyone can do it (to varying levels of ability). Not like having a physics degree, or "an encyclopedic knowledge of horse racing" (as my sister puts it).
Then, just as I was working out how all of these ideas work for me (a person who takes pride in her
career in conjunction with growing future sensible adults, not to mention my hobbies), along came
this article. It's about school and how teachers provide other role models to children outside the home and how that is valuable.
"Each of us is a bundle of all the role models we have ever
had. For our boys to BE good men, they have to SEE good men. To BE strong
women, girls must SEE strong women."
Yes. This is the answer. It's not enough to "be the best mom you can be, the rest will fall into place", I need to be a strong role model so that my children can have a strong base to launch into the rest of the world from. Sure, the children will gain role models from their father, teachers, soccer coaches, extended family, etc, but it is also important that I remember that I am a role model for them too. I am a whole person that does many things, including being a parent, and it is this 'whole' version of me that shows my children the vast possibilities of life.
Footnote: Another article along similar lines is
here.
